Blue |
radino
|
!LOG |
Blue |
radino
|
!;pg |
Red |
starka ring
|
1v1 me brawlhalla |
Blue |
Flashey
|
bet |
Red |
chancellor of suchandsuch
|
We are past the match start time |
Red |
chancellor of suchandsuch
|
and have made it clear that we wish to start on time. |
Red |
chancellor of suchandsuch
|
We will get a forfeit win if you do not ready-up in the next 3 MINUTES, |
Red |
chancellor of suchandsuch
|
You must have at least 5 players on your team in order to start the match. |
Red |
chancellor of suchandsuch
|
If you do not ready up in time, |
Red |
chancellor of suchandsuch
|
we will get a forfeit. |
Red |
chancellor of suchandsuch
|
We are past the match start time |
Red |
chancellor of suchandsuch
|
and have made it clear that we wish to start on time. |
Red |
chancellor of suchandsuch
|
We will get a forfeit win if you do not ready-up in the next 3 MINUTES, |
Red |
chancellor of suchandsuch
|
per RGL rules. |
Red |
chancellor of suchandsuch
|
You must have at least 5 players on your team in order to start the match. |
Red |
chancellor of suchandsuch
|
If you do not ready up in time, |
Blue |
radino
|
is that a copy pasta? |
Red |
chancellor of suchandsuch
|
we will get a forfeit. |
Red |
chicken shins
|
Japan is an island by the sea filled with volcanoes and it's ~ beautiful ~ |
Red |
chancellor of suchandsuch
|
We are past the match start time |
Red |
chancellor of suchandsuch
|
and have made it clear that we wish to start on time. |
Red |
chicken shins
|
In the year -40,000 it was here, and you could walk to it, and some people walked to it. |
Red |
chicken shins
|
Then it got warmer, so an iceberg melted, it became an island, and now there lot's of trees! Because it's warmer. |
Red |
chancellor of suchandsuch
|
is that a bind? |
Red |
chancellor of suchandsuch
|
We will get a forfeit win if you do not ready-up in the next 3 MINUTES, |
Red |
chancellor of suchandsuch
|
per RGL rules. |
Red |
chancellor of suchandsuch
|
You must have at least 5 players on your team in order to start the match. |
Blue |
tiffany
|
*huggies you and nuzzles on ur chest* uwu can you hwelp me with something? |
Red |
chicken shins
|
So that makes you king. Rice farming and rice kingdoms spread across the land, all the way to here. |
Red |
starka ring
|
is that a bind? |
Red |
chicken shins
|
The most important kingdoms were here, here, here, here, here, here, and here. |
Red |
chicken shins
|
But this one was the most most important, ruled by a heavenly super person, or emperor for short. |
Blue |
tiffany
|
OH FUCK |
Red |
chicken shins
|
Knock knock, get the door, it's religion. |
Blue |
tiffany
|
wron ginbd |
Red |
chicken shins
|
The new prince wants everyone to try this hot new religion from Baekje. |
Red |
starka ring
|
is that a bind? |
Red |
chicken shins
|
Please try this religion, he said. No, said everybody. |
Red |
chicken shins
|
Try it, he said. No, said everybody again, quieter this time. |
Red |
chicken shins
|
And so the religion was put into place, and all the rules that came with it. |
Red |
chancellor of suchandsuch
|
is THAT a bind? |
Red |
chicken shins
|
Then, the government was taken over by another clique, and they made some reforms. |
Blue |
Flashey
|
erp time |
Red |
chicken shins
|
Like making the government govern more. |
Red |
chicken shins
|
And making the government more like China's government, which is a government that governs more. |
Red |
chicken shins
|
Hi China, they said. Hi dipsh!t, said China. |
Red |
chicken shins
|
Can you call us something else other than dipsh!t? said Japan. |
Red |
chicken shins
|
Like what? said China. |
Red |
starka ring
|
The bot you have reached has recently fed and died, please dial back in:: 14 seconds |
Red |
chicken shins
|
How about ~ sunrise land ~ ? said Japan. |
Red |
chicken shins
|
And they stole China's alphabet and wrote a book, about themselves. |
Blue |
tiffany
|
/r |
Red |
starka ring
|
GET DUBD |
Red |
chicken shins
|
And then they made lots of poetry and art and another book about themselves. |
Red |
chicken shins
|
Then they stopped moving the capital every time the emperor died and kept it in one place for a while. |
Red |
chicken shins
|
And they conquered the north, finally. Get that squared away. |
Red |
chicken shins
|
A rich hipster |
Red |
chicken shins
|
named Kukai |
Red |
chicken shins
|
is bored with modern Buddhism and learns a better version which is more ~ spiritual ~ |
Red |
chicken shins
|
Comes back, reinvents the alphabet and causes art and literature to be ~ great ~ for a long time. |
Red |
chicken shins
|
And the royal palace turned into such a dream world of art that they really didn't give a sh!t about governing the country. |
Blue |
ZzZ | Private_Eevee
|
Smitleyjd: No, I have fish |
Red |
chicken shins
|
So if you live outside the palace, how are you supposed to protect your sh!t from criminals? |
Red |
chicken shins
|
~ hire a samurai ~ |
Red |
chicken shins
|
Everyone started hiring samurai. |
Blue |
ZzZ | Private_Eevee
|
Smitleyjd: No, I have fish |
Red |
chicken shins
|
Correction: rich, important people hired samurai. |
Red |
chicken shins
|
Poor people who could not afford to hire samurai did not hire samurai. |
Blue |
ZzZ | Private_Eevee
|
Smitleyjd: No, I have fish |
Red |
chicken shins
|
The samurai became organized and powerful. |
Red |
chicken shins
|
More than the government, so they made their own military government here. |
Red |
chicken shins
|
They let the emperor still be emperor, but the shogun is actually in control. |
Red |
chicken shins
|
Breaking news: the Mongols have invaded China. |
Red |
chicken shins
|
We have invaded China, said the Mongols. |
Red |
chicken shins
|
Please respect us, or we might invade you as well. |
Red |
chicken shins
|
Okay, said Japan. So the Mongols came over, ready for war, and then died in a tornado. |
Red |
chicken shins
|
They tried again, and had a nice time fighting with the Japanese, but then died in a tornado. |
Red |
chicken shins
|
Then the emperor overthrew the shogunate, |
Red |
chicken shins
|
then the shogunate overthrows him back and moved to Kyoto and makes a new shogunate, |
Red |
chicken shins
|
and the emperor can still dress like an emperor if he wants, that's fine. |
Red |
chicken shins
|
~ now there's more art ~ |
Red |
chicken shins
|
Like paining with less colors, collaborative poetry, plays, monkey fun, tea parties, gardening, architecture, flowers. |
Red |
chicken shins
|
It's time for Who's Going To Be The Next Shogun? |
Red |
chicken shins
|
Usually it's the shogun's kid, but the shogun doesn't have a kid, so he tries to get his brother to quit being a monk and be th |
Red |
chicken shins
|
e next shogun. He says okay, but then the shogun has a kid. |
Red |
chicken shins
|
So now who's it gonna be? Vote now on your phones! |
Red |
chicken shins
|
And everyone voted so hard, that the palace caught on fire and burned down. |
Red |
chicken shins
|
The shogun actually didn't care, he was somewhere doing poetry. |
Red |
chicken shins
|
And the whole country broke into pieces. |
Red |
chicken shins
|
Everyone is fighting with each other for local power, and it's anybody's game. |
Red |
chicken shins
|
Knock knock, it's Europe. |
Red |
chicken shins
|
No, they're not here to take over |
Red |
chicken shins
|
yet. |
Red |
chicken shins
|
They just wanna sell some sh!t. |
Red |
chicken shins
|
Like clocks. And guns. And ~ Jesus ~ |
Red |
chicken shins
|
So that's cool, but everyone's still fighting each other for control, now with guns. |
Red |
chicken shins
|
And wouldn't it be nice to control the capital, which right now is puppets, with no one controlling them. |
Red |
chicken shins
|
This clan is ready to make a run for it. But first, they have to trample this smaller clan which is in the way. |
Red |
chicken shins
|
Surprise! Smaller clan wins, and the leader of that clan steals the idea of invading the capital, and invades the capital. |
Red |
chicken shins
|
It goes very well. He's about halfway through conquering Japan, when someone who works for him kills him. |
Red |
chicken shins
|
And then someone else who works for him kills him. And that guy finishes conquering Japan. |
Red |
chicken shins
|
And then he confiscated everybody's swords. And made some rules. |
Red |
chicken shins
|
And now I ' m going to invade Korea, and then hopefully China, he said, and failed, and also died. |
Red |
chicken shins
|
But before he died, he told these 5 guys to take care of his 5 year old son until he's old enough to be the next ruler of Japan |
Red |
chicken shins
|
And the 5 guys said Yeah, right. It ' s not gonna be this kid, it ' s gonna be one of us. Because we ' re grownups. |
Red |
chicken shins
|
And it's probably gonna be this guy who happens to be way more rich and powerful than the others. |
Red |
chicken shins
|
A lot of people support him, but a lot of people support not supporting him. They have a fight. |
Red |
chicken shins
|
He wins! And starts a new government right here. |
Red |
chicken shins
|
~ Edo ~ |
Red |
chicken shins
|
And he still lets the emperor dress like an emperor, and have very nice things. |
Red |
chicken shins
|
But don't get confused, this is the new government, and they are very strict. |
Red |
chicken shins
|
So strict, they closed the country. No one can leave, and no one can come in. |
Red |
chicken shins
|
Except for the Dutch, if they want to buy and sell sh!t, but they have to do it right here. |
Red |
chicken shins
|
Now that the entire country was not at war with itself, the population increased a lot. |
Red |
chicken shins
|
Business increased, schools were opened, roads were built, everyone could read, books were published, |
Red |
chicken shins
|
poetry, plays, sexy times, puppet shows, and Dutch studies. |
Red |
chicken shins
|
People studied European science from books they bought from the Dutch. |
Red |
chicken shins
|
We're talking geography, skeletons, physics, chemistry, astronomy, and maybe even electricity. |
Red |
chicken shins
|
Over time the economic and cultural prosperity began to gradually slow dow- |
Red |
chicken shins
|
.....Knock knock. It's the United States. |
Blue |
ZzZ | Soap
|
I CAME HERE FOR TF2 NOT HISTORY LESSONS |
Red |
chicken shins
|
With huge boats. With guns. Gunboats. |
Red |
chicken shins
|
Open the country. Stop having it be closed. said the United States. |
Red |
chicken shins
|
There was really nothing they could do, so they signed a contract that lets United States, Britain, and Russia visit Japan when |
Red |
chicken shins
|
they want. Choshu and Satsuma hated that. That sucks, they said. This sucks! |
Red |
chancellor of suchandsuch
|
If you do not ready up in time, |
Red |
chicken shins
|
And with very little outside help, they overthrew the shogunate, and made the emperor the emperor again, and moved him to Edo, |
Red |
chancellor of suchandsuch
|
we will get a forfeit. |
Red |
chancellor of suchandsuch
|
We are past the match start time |
Red |
chicken shins
|
which they renamed Eastern Capital |
Red |
chancellor of suchandsuch
|
and have made it clear that we wish to start on time. |
Red |
chancellor of suchandsuch
|
We will get a forfeit win if you do not ready-up in the next 3 MINUTES, |
Red |
chicken shins
|
Tokyo |
Red |
chancellor of suchandsuch
|
per RGL rules. |
Red |
chancellor of suchandsuch
|
You must have at least 5 players on your team in order to start the match. |
Red |
chicken shins
|
. |
Red |
chancellor of suchandsuch
|
If you do not ready up in time, |
Red |
chicken shins
|
They made a new government, which was a lot more western. |
Red |
chancellor of suchandsuch
|
we will get a forfeit. |
Red |
chicken shins
|
They made a new constitution, that was pretty western. |
Red |
chicken shins
|
And a military that was pretty western. |
Red |
chicken shins
|
And do you know what else is western? |
Red |
chicken shins
|
That's right, it's conquering stuff. So what can we conquer? |
Red |
chicken shins
|
Korea! |
Red |
chicken shins
|
They conquered Korea, taking it from its previous owner, China, and then go a little bit further, |
Red |
chicken shins
|
and Russia rushes in out of nowhere and says, |
Red |
chicken shins
|
Stop, no, you can ' t take that. We were gonna build a railroad through here to try to get some warm water. |
Red |
chicken shins
|
And Russia builds their railroad, supervised by a sh!t ton of soldiers, |
Red |
chicken shins
|
and when the railroad was done, they downgraded to a f*ck ton. |
Red |
chicken shins
|
Did I say downgrade? I meant upgrade. |
Red |
chicken shins
|
And Japan says, Can you maybe chill? |
Red |
chicken shins
|
And Russia says, How about maybe you chill? |
Red |
chancellor of suchandsuch
|
our team has a history of waiting until 10 mins past start time to pee |
Blue |
tiffany
|
gl hf |